Tragedy has struck Mr. Nilu again. First it was the balding head and now the very definition of manhood is out of Mr. Nilu’s life. Yes, Mr. Nilu has been diagnosed as impotent. We tried to contact Mr. Nilu’s family. They refused to talk to the media and banged the phone down when we called them. The calls to Mr. Nilu’s doctor were unanswered. We got in touch with a third cousin of Mr. Nilu, whose name has been withheld due to the insensitive nature of this issue, and queried about this new development. Initially he refused to speak. We offered him cotton candies and it didn’t yield much information either. Finally we managed to get some information out of him by offering lolly pops. It seems Mr. Nilu’s ayaa (baby sitter) noticed that his penis was very miniscule compared to even a new born baby. She wanted to give the information to Mr. Nilu’s mom but she was worried that it will affect her health further. We are all aware of the shock she got after seeing her son’s balding head. She took fifteen days to recover from that shock. Ayaa (baby sitter) thought that revealing the information about micro penis might turn out to be a life threatening issue for Mr. Nilu’s mom. So she kept it to herself for some time. Mr Nilu’s father got the information from the ayaa during one of his “sessions” with her. It appears that the father took Mr. Nilu to the doctor without the knowledge of Mr. Nilu’s mom. The doctor conducted a series of tests and concluded that Mr. Nilu is impotent. They are not talking to the press because they have not informed Mr. Nilu’s mom or Mr. Nilu about it. They are worried that the mother and son might get the wind of the news from the press people first. This news could badly affect Mr. Nilu’s mom and make her puke without a break. When she realized that Mr. Nilu is bald, her dream of getting him married to a beautiful girl was shattered. Finally, she reconciled herself and convinced her servant maid to marry her daughter to Mr. Nilu. If the servant maid realizes that he is impotent, she will also reject Mr. Nilu. Who will marry him then (some random fat lady with big nose?). These are the questions confronting Mr. Nilu’s family now. They are totally clueless about how to manage this unexpected storm. We are camped out in a plot opposite to Mr. Nilu’s house. We will update you as and when we get more information. There are people going in and out of the house. Our efforts to get some information from the visitors have turned futile so far.
Nilakantan Rajaraman’s Biography
Not onnukku Nilu just eunuch Nilu
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Recent Comments
October 17, 2006 at 11:26 pm
[...] It appears Mr. Nilu has a spy in his opponent gang. Through the spy, he came to know that his opponents are planning to do a Munnabhai type of stunt. To pre-empt them, Mr. Nilu has released the following press release to his followers (a.k.a. Nilukers). Hey my dear Nilukers!! I apologize for the delay in the launch of Niluism. I have to postpone it because these liberals leaked about my sex life to the press and it has upset a huge person in my life. I am sure you know how difficult it is to console a normal sized person who is upset. Now multiply this difficulty by 15. The resulting difficulty is what I faced consoling one of my friends who came to know about my gay life. It is a left wing attempt to tarnish my image in the society. Even though my penis was miniscule, I was on the verge of getting a big lady. The conspiracy hatched by bleeding heart liberals has put brakes on my efforts. I know these liberals are pessimistic in life. Even my chamchas understand this. These pessimists are trying to spoil my optmistic outlook on life. You all Nilukers know about the problems in my life (if not, go read this blog fully). In spite of all my problems, I am trying to keep up the optimism in my life (in the true spirit of right wing philosophy from which Niluism is derived). I also understand that all the Nilukers are selfish like me and they also consider it as optimism (Don’t we know that it is the prerequisite for a Niluker?). Our optmisitic life is too much for these pessimists to handle. They are thinking that they can wipe out all the optimists of India by bumping me out. I am pretty confident that I can take on all the pessimists with help from other optimists like fellow Nilukers. [...]