More information on Mr. Nilu’s situation

Today, Mr. Nilu’s family were more forthcoming to the media. One of Mr. Nilu’s uncles spoke to us about the recent developments. It appears they have conveyed the news to both Mr. Nilu and his mom. After hearing the news, both of them are puking continuously. To ensure a continuous smooth flow of puke, drips were administered to both Mr. Nilu and his mom. The mother’s puke intensity increased after she came to know about the size of his penis from the ayaa (babysitter). The penis in the erect mode is 2.14 mm in length and 1.06 mm in diameter. They used a sophisticated screw gauge to measure the size of his penis.

When we queried about Mr. Nilu’s reaction to the news, it seems he was touching the bald region on his head in a soothing manner. It also appears he was staring at a banana for a long time. The family members feel that Mr. Nilu was trying to visualize how a bigger penis will look, by looking at the banana. Maybe he was fantasizing about a possibility of his penis growing to the size of a banana due to some miracle. Speculations are abound and the family is worried about Mr. Nilu’s future.

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Tragic times for Mr. Nilu

Tragedy has struck Mr. Nilu again. First it was the balding head and now the very definition of manhood is out of Mr. Nilu’s life. Yes, Mr. Nilu has been diagnosed as impotent. We tried to contact Mr. Nilu’s family. They refused to talk to the media and banged the phone down when we called them. The calls to Mr. Nilu’s doctor were unanswered. We got in touch with a third cousin of Mr. Nilu, whose name has been withheld due to the insensitive nature of this issue, and queried about this new development. Initially he refused to speak. We offered him cotton candies and it didn’t yield much information either. Finally we managed to get some information out of him by offering lolly pops. It seems Mr. Nilu’s ayaa (baby sitter) noticed that his penis was very miniscule compared to even a new born baby. She wanted to give the information to Mr. Nilu’s mom but she was worried that it will affect her health further. We are all aware of the shock she got after seeing her son’s balding head. She took fifteen days to recover from that shock. Ayaa (baby sitter) thought that revealing the information about micro penis might turn out to be a life threatening issue for Mr. Nilu’s mom. So she kept it to herself for some time. Mr Nilu’s father got the information from the ayaa during one of his “sessions” with her. It appears that the father took Mr. Nilu to the doctor without the knowledge of Mr. Nilu’s mom. The doctor conducted a series of tests and concluded that Mr. Nilu is impotent. They are not talking to the press because they have not informed Mr. Nilu’s mom or Mr. Nilu about it. They are worried that the mother and son might get the wind of the news from the press people first. This news could badly affect Mr. Nilu’s mom and make her puke without a break. When she realized that Mr. Nilu is bald, her dream of getting him married to a beautiful girl was shattered. Finally, she reconciled herself and convinced her servant maid  to marry her daughter to Mr. Nilu. If the servant maid realizes that he is impotent, she will also reject Mr. Nilu. Who will marry him then (some random fat lady with big nose?). These are the questions confronting Mr. Nilu’s family now. They are totally clueless about how to manage this unexpected storm. We are camped out in a plot opposite to Mr. Nilu’s house. We will update you as and when we get more information. There are people going in and out of the house. Our efforts to get some information from the visitors have turned futile so far.

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Mr. Nilu’s query to his mother

Mr. Nilu is very concerned about the growing baldness. He sees his father with lot of hair. His mother also has a reasonable amount of hair. He is now wondering how he is bald when both his parents have good amount of hair. Is it because he tries hard to understand other people’s blog and eventually pukes because the blogs are too sane for him to understand or due to some other reason beyond his control? He tried hard to find out the reason but he failed miserably as usual. He then decided to ask his mother about it.

Dear Mama,

When I complained about Gaurav Sabnis in my last letter, you decided to ignore me. I know that you are thinking about my stupidity to puke at someone who doesn’t give a damn to me. But Mama, I am not that stupid. If I puke about him in my blog, my chamchas will go and shit in his blog or shit in other places like putvote.com. Even if he decides to ignore me now, he will have to react one day due to the smell coming out from my puke and my chamchas’ shit. I will stand vindicated on that day.

This letter is about another issue which is making me puke more. It is about my own appearance. Appa is looking smart with lot of hair. He looks like Salman Khan. You are also not bald. I checked the photos and pictures of our ancestors. They all have good amount of hair. I want to know why I have a balding head at such an young age. Is it due to god’s curse or due to cheap quality shampoo you used on my head. I want to know an answer. I hope you will respond to this letter. Please tell me mama. Whenever I see my face on the mirror, I puke. Whenever I think about myself, I puke. People think that I puke at other people’s blog posts. Actually, I cannot even understand what they write there. I puke often because I think about myself a bit too much. If I know the reason for my baldness, I can atleast puke with a satisfaction. Please reply to this letter mama.

Nilu

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Mr. Nilu takes on Gaurav

Mr. Nilu wanted to write a series of letters to his mother like Chacha Nehru, who wrote letters to his daughter from the prison and got it published later. He thinks that he can publish his letters to his mom as a book if he becomes famous like what his family astrologer has already predicted. In the first letter to his mother, he takes on Gaurav Sabnis.

Dear Mama,

I now realize why you wanted to keep me inside the womb for a longer period of time. I never realized that this world will be so bad. I thought I can show off my talents in the blog camp. But Kiruba Anna and his friends didn’t allow me to do whatever I wanted to do. I promise you that I will listen to you from now on.

Mama, this world is really bad. There is a guy called Gaurav Sabnis who is showing off in his blog after joinging the graduate school. There are people who link to his post where he shows off. How can he become famous when our astrologer uncle told that only I will become famous. He never told me that Gaurav Sabnis will become famous. I will be going to Clemson to do my Masters. I will never write about it in my blog. In fact, I can show that Clemson is better than Penn State in many ways.

Clemson is better because

• It has a higher rank in Football than Penn State
• Penn State University is in a girlie blue state whereas Clemson is in a red state. Red State has all the warriors and blue states are full of Girlie Men. Ask Schwarzeneggar Uncle. He will tell you about it.
• Clemson is closer to research triangle but Penn State can claim that they are closer to a research point. Tell me which is better. Research Triangle or Research Point?

In spite of all that, I will never write about it. Some people might point out to this, this, this, this, and this as a proof that I am showing off my US credentials. But they don’t know the truth. The first one was written by someone else. The Hindu paper took my city and country from the postal seal and they added it to my name. How can I be responsible for this? It will be unfair if people claim that I am showing off. But, Gaurav is clearly showing off. I don’t like it. Mama, can you take me back? I don’t want to live in this world where people show off like this. I understand that you will ask me to show off a bit so that others will take note of it. But Mama, I did try to show off. I wrote about Markov Process and SEZs. But no one gave a damn. What do I do Mama? Also my incessant puke disease (I will blame your fart for this) makes me puke twice a week. People notice my puke more than anything else. How do I become famous Mama? Please tell me.

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Official statement released by Mr. Nilu’s family

Mr. Nilu’s family released a terse statement about why his mother is upset and puking incessantly. It appears she was very upset by the fact that her son (in the photo above) looks exactly like the gay friend of Madhavi in the Page 3 movie. It appears that one of their neighbors played the movie to Mr. Nilu’s mom. She saw the bald gay friend of Madhavi in the movie and she immediately started crying. She is worried that her son might turn out to be a gay. We contacted the family to know if they consider homosexuality to be a sin.  They told us that their family sees nothing wrong if someone is a gay. They just don’t want their son to be one. Efforts to get a detailed response on this matter proved to be futile.

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Good News reaches Mr. Nilu’s family

Mr. Nilu’s dad was ecstatic. He was dancing around the house. Some relief for his mother too. The excitement was caused by a news item on today’s newspaper.

Chennai Corporation health officials say medicines are given to control fever and relieve pain in an effort to allay fears and misconceptions about chikungunya viral infection.

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Mr. Nilu’s mother worried about his baldness

Our attempts to reach Mr. Nilu’s family after his birth proved to be futile. But we have got an inside scoop on what is happening. It seems Mr. Nilu’s mom is devastated to see her son coming out of the womb with baldness built in. She was dreaming of getting someone like Aishwarya Rai as Mr. Nilu’s bride. But his in-built baldness is a big cause of concern for her. She is very upset for the past several days. Mr. Nilu’s family members are concerned that his baldness could affect her health. She seems to be puking incessantly looking at his bald head. We are closely monitoring the happenings at Mr. Nilu’s house. We will update you with more information later.

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Mr. Nilu sick after Blog Camp

Mr. Nilu went to the blog camp and all he could do was to talk to this big nosed fat lady. It seems he got Chickengunia in the shock. The doctors are monitoring him 24/7. We will update as and when we get more information.

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

News Flash: Birth of Mr. Nilu

There are some unconfirmed reports that Mr. Nilu was born today during Raagu Kalam (inauspicious time according to some religions/ethnic groups). We left a message with the family but they didn’t return the call. Our source tells us that Mr. Nilu’s mom couldn’t manage the puke anymore. She felt that it might make her puke uncontrollably like her son. She realized that the only way to get the puke out of her system is to get her son out of her system. So she gave birth to Mr. Nilu today. It appears Mr. Nilu is all worked up for the Blogcamp this weekend. There are some unconfirmed reports that Mr. Nilu has gone to Naidu Hall to buy the outfits for the Blogcamp. People are eager to see Mr. Nilu’s outfit at the Blogcamp.

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilu mails back

Mama,

It is not fair. Do you think that you have created a Special Ergonomic Zone (SEZ) here? In my position, my penis is touching my own mouth. If I continue in this position for some more time, I will start sucking my own penis. Even though I might argue against SEZs restricted by geography in the future, I am now begging you to create a SEZ inside your womb. I do agree that it is hypocritical to ask for a restricted SEZ within a single human body but the smell hitting my face from my own penis has increased my puke frequency. Your fart smell and my penis smell is going to make me a pukemaster in the future. Please be considerate and create a SEZ inside your womb. Hell with those people who are against SEZs. They have neither experienced your fart smell nor my penis smell. Please act fast Mama. I am dying here.

Nilu

PS: Mama, reconsider your decision to lock me up from Blogcamp. I am already in the mix of the blogcamp related news.

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman

Nilakantan Rajaraman